41 replies to this topic

[foreverOrange]

DISCLAIMER: This is a joke, my apologies if I offended your sensibilities.





Today a girl walked in the door. I asked her what she's got and she told me she's a hooker - a classy hooker.





Rick: What can you do?

Girl: I do ANYTHING and EVERYTHING.



Rick: Jumping jacks?

Girl: YUP!



Rick: Bridge?

Girl: YUP!



Rick: Moving furniture?

Girl: YUP!



Rick: I-M-P-R-E-S-S-I-V-E. What else?



Rick: you have A GOLD LINED PUSSY?

Girl: Sure do.

Rick: Chumlee…get out of that white knight outfit and get over hereif you want to see a gold lined pussy.



Chumlee: Where?

Rick: Here she is.

Chumlee: Can I smell it?

Girl: Go for it.




Rick: OK so what do you want to do with that pussy? Sell it? Pawn it?

Girl: I want to rent it out an hour at a time.

Rick: The problem is I don’t know much about pussies. Before I can make you an offer, I need to find out if it’s authentic. I got a buddy who is a pussy expert, do you mind if I ask him to come down here and give me his expert opinion?

Girl: No not at all.



Rick: Tight pussy is a true treasure to a man. A woman with a tight pussy can get anything and everything from a man. Women can have or maintain a tight pussy by doing Kegel exercises. A woman can test to see if her's is tight by seeing if she can loosen the cap of a two liter coke bottle. It the vagina can tighten down enough so that you can hear the sound of gas escaping when twisting bottle, then you have a tight pussy. If the cap just turns, you have a loose pussy. A tight pussy is worth it's weight in gold to any man. If she’s got one of those, it could be worth a TON of money.

Edited by foreverOrange, 04 July 2012 - 08:55 AM.

[foreverOrange]

COMMERCIAL BREAK

Edited by foreverOrange, 04 July 2012 - 08:49 AM.

[foreverOrange]

Earlier a girl came into the store says she is a hooker with a gold lined pussy. I called my buddy whore monger Doug to come take a look.



Rick: Hey Doug!

Doug: What have we got here?

Rick: She says she has a gold lined pussy, what can you tell us about it?

Girl: What makes you an expert?



Doug: I have a PhD in DATY masters in DATO, half my ATFs are on vacation courtesy of BSO.

Rick: Is it real?

Doug: It's real but it's not that rare.

Rick: OK what is it worth?

Doug: I’ll tap that - 5 minutes for $40?

Rick: Thanks Doug.

Doug: Anytime!

Rick: Any idea how much you want to sell or lease it for?

Girl: $500 an hour.



Rick: No… I’ll may be give you $50 for it.









Rick: How much is that?

Girl: 20% is $70, so that's $262.78 net with the new 20% formula.

Rick: Problem is there are 159 million of these around the country, if I get the right buyer may be Goodhobby I may be able to get $160 out of it, $75 is as high as I will go and not a penny more.

Girl can't decided - TO BE CONTINUED...

Edited by foreverOrange, 04 July 2012 - 08:56 AM.

[PBEscort]

LMFAO

[observer]

Having watched countless reruns of Pawn Stars, this is great! Maybe the Old Man needs to tell Chumlee that he is as dumb as a box of rocks and wouldn't know a vagina if it sat on his face.

[adrenaline]

For someone that just woke up from a lazy holiday that's some funny ass shit!!!

LMAO and then some!!! Bravo

[britney1]

Episode 3 Please!!

[bigggmike]

OMFG TO FUNNY...I JUST WORKED 13 HRS READ THIS AND FO U MADE ME LAUGH SO HARD...+10

Edited by bigggmike, 04 July 2012 - 09:23 PM.

[Hans Zimmer]

Kudos, FO!

[foreverOrange]

Having watched countless reruns of Pawn Stars, this is great! Maybe the Old Man needs to tell Chumlee that he is as dumb as a box of rocks and wouldn't know a vagina if it sat on his face.

He probably would have fallen asleep on DATY himself.

[HipMonster]

FO this is hilarious
Now that we've found out so many of the ladies here on Indi hold multiple advanced degrees
I'd love to see you come up with a game like
"Is my ATF smarter than a 5th grader"

Edited by HipMonster, 05 July 2012 - 08:37 AM.

[sillysiss]

Hilarious

[vettenit]

Classic.

FO, this is the funniest thread yet.

[ctiger]

Brilliant FO! <pmsl>

[Swingle]

Very clever FO! Laughed my ass off!

Hey, has Cory been watching all of this? What's he thinking?

[LITTLE DICK]

Good humor! Keep it up, FO!

[dantanna]

Very Funny FO , Thanks for the Laugh.

[foreverOrange]

Very clever FO! Laughed my ass off!

Hey, has Cory been watching all of this? What's he thinking?

Swingle I should have asked you to be the pussy expert, that Doug, he's no help at all!

[foreverOrange]

FO this is hilarious
Now that we've found out so many of the ladies here on Indi hold multiple advanced degrees
I'd love to see you come up with a game like
"Is my ATF smarter than a 5th grader"

[foreverOrange]

Episode 3 Please!!

Britney1, actually there IS (WAS) an episode 3.

After some soul searching I have decided to cancel episode 3. It has too much of the meanie FO and I think it would be too offensive. If I can think of a way to tone it down I will post it later.

Besides, the white knights probably would have me quartered and my head put on a pike if I post episode 3.

[Hans Zimmer]

I want to see episode 3! The sequel and the prequel.

[Squiggs]

[jsimps88]

Britney1, actually there IS (WAS) an episode 3.

After some soul searching I have decided to cancel episode 3. It has too much of the meanie FO and I think it would be too offensive. If I can think of a way to tone it down I will post it later.

Besides, the white knights probably would have me quartered and my head put on a pike if I post episode 3.

stop being a pussy and just freakang DO IT.

Remembuh u haven't lived a full and fruitful life unless a lynch mob ripz yur torso limb for limb and feedz yur flesh to a dude who just inhaled bath saltz.

[Admin]

Very funny ... someone has way too much free time on their hands.

[Ronon Dex]

FO, we can always count on you to lighten up the day to day BS here, thanks. They could use you in Hollywood.

[southmiami8]

This is classic... And very funny. Please post #3!

[daddyfl61]

Hysterical!!! Brilliant!!!
One of the best posts I've seen on Indi since I've been here! Bravo, FO!!!

[the jamie]

You are so incredibly funny Orange_Pop..You should/could write sexual cartoons , You really just have the "nack", comes natural.


xo :)

[the jamie]

Having watched countless reruns of Pawn Stars, this is great! Maybe the Old Man needs to tell Chumlee that he is as dumb as a box of rocks and wouldn't know a vagina if it sat on his face.

Actually he does have some special smarts in that big head of his, Just does not choose to use it prob 90% of the time

[Ronon Dex]

Actually he does have some special smarts in that big head of his,

Now WHICH head are you referring to young lady?!?

Just does not choose to use it prob 90% of the time

I think that I DID read that FO loves DATY a lot.

Edited by Ronon Dex, 07 July 2012 - 12:27 AM.

[axle]

FO. This is some funny stuff. I have tears rolling down my face from laughing so hard!

[foreverOrange]

Actually he does have some special smarts in that big head of his, Just does not choose to use it prob 90% of the time

Now WHICH head are you referring to young lady?!?
I think that I DID read that FO loves DATY a lot.

I think Jamie was referring to Chumlee's big head, Jamie calls mine "Q-tip".

[foreverOrange]

Coming soon is Episode 3 we are celebrating the Old Man's 70th birthday.

Edited by foreverOrange, 28 September 2012 - 08:22 PM.

[Squiggs]

yeaaaaa

[Bez]

Wow, this beats your photography guide and that was pretty good. You made my day...

[hoserack]

Very funnny, lmao.
In episode 3, you could have cheap O Hans Zimmer come by to convince her that $130. an hr. isn't only for weekends.

Edited by hoserack, 28 September 2012 - 10:48 PM.

[zengirl]

Oh my love



That was so gangnam style : Oppa


A girl who is warm and humanle during the day
A classy girl who know how to enjoy the freedom of a cup of coffee
A girl whose heart gets hotter when night comes
A girl with that kind of twist

Read more: http://www.kpoplyric...l#ixzz27pT0eNv6
Follow us: @kpoplyrics_net on Twitter | kpoplyricsnet on Facebook

LOVE YA ZEN GIRL

[foreverOrange]

Oh my love



That was so gangnam style : Oppa


A girl who is warm and humanle during the day
A classy girl who know how to enjoy the freedom of a cup of coffee
A girl whose heart gets hotter when night comes
A girl with that kind of twist

Read more: http://www.kpoplyric...l#ixzz27pT0eNv6
Follow us: @kpoplyrics_net on Twitter | kpoplyricsnet on Facebook

LOVE YA ZEN GIRL

A guy who double-cups his coffee before it even cools down

[Sabrina34DD]

Hey, FO, you are a sexual comic genius!

[foreverOrange]

The next episode continues HERE

[daHammer]

Genius

[Mandingo.]

That was great. One of the funniest posts I've read in a long time. Keep it up.